Swept Under The Welcome Mat: Diary of a Caregiver to a Spouse With Cancer

  Facing the Fight of Our Lives: Choosing Strength Over Fear There are no words to truly capture the pain of watching someone you love fight for their life. The fear, the anxiety, and the heartbreak can be paralyzing. My husband has been diagnosed with a rare and aggressive cancer—one without a cure. It’s a reality that no family should ever have to face, yet here we are, navigating a road filled with uncertainty, appointments, treatments, and an emotional rollercoaster that never seems to slow down. One of the heaviest burdens that come with this diagnosis is not just the emotional toll, but the financial one. At some point, he will no longer be able to work. His income will be gone. His insurance will disappear. And our family will be left with an enormous gap to fill. This is where the weight of reality can crush you if you let it. But I refuse to let it. I could choose to sit in fear, to let the "what ifs" consume me, to drown in the uncertainty of how we will pay our bil...

The Loneliness of Caregiving-A Storm only hit our home Being a caregiver is one of the loneliest experiences imaginable. Even when surrounded by an army of people eager to help, the isolation is suffocating. I feel like an alien in my own life, still processing the devastating reality that a terrible tumor has burst our world apart. It doesn’t feel real sometimes, and yet, it’s the only reality I know now. As a defense mechanism, we retreat into a cocoon, shutting out the world. Maybe it’s because we feel that no one truly understands—especially at a young age, when facing such an immense tragedy. It feels like a storm came through town, and our house is the only one that was hit and destroyed, while everyone else moves through their days and nights untouched. Life continues for them as it always has, while we are left standing in the wreckage of what once was. I know that people are affected. They are sad. They cannot believe that something so dire and tragic has hit our community, ou...

  Anticipatory Grief: A Caregiver’s Heartbreaking Reality Grief is often thought of as something that comes after loss—a reaction to the absence of a loved one. But there is another kind of grief, one that seeps into everyday moments, shadowing laughter and quiet embraces. It is called anticipatory grief, and it is something I now carry with me every single day as my husband battles an unforgiving and aggressive cancer. When he was diagnosed with small cell carcinoma in a rare location of his sinuses, our world was turned upside down in an instant. The life we had built together, the dreams we mapped out in quiet conversations, the future we imagined with our children, grandchildren, and beloved dogs—all of it suddenly felt fragile, slipping through our fingers before we even had the chance to truly live it. We are grieving not just what has happened but also what may never come to be. Grieving the Past, Present, and Future Anticipatory grief is cruel in its relentlessness. I find ...

The Fear of Falling: When Caregivers Worry About Getting Sick When someone we love is diagnosed with a serious illness, our world shifts overnight. Every priority changes, every breath feels heavier, and suddenly, we are not just a spouse, partner, or family member—we are a caregiver. For me, that reality came crashing down when my husband was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive cancer. As if the weight of that wasn’t enough, another fear started creeping in—one I hadn’t fully anticipated. What if I get sick? The question circles through my mind constantly. There are so many viruses, colds, and flu strains going around. I wear two masks. I stay away from anyone with the slightest sniffle. Even my kids, who I love more than life itself, have to keep their distance when they have so much as a runny nose. I cannot take the risk. My husband’s immune system is compromised, and the last thing he needs is another battle on top of the war he is already fighting. But beyond protecting him, I a...

 When Strength Means Letting Go: A Caregiver’s Truth Being a caregiver means navigating a world of emotions, expectations, and unsolicited advice. When my husband was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive cancer, I found myself surrounded by people offering well-meaning words of wisdom. Over and over, I was told, "Stay strong. Don’t let him see you break. He needs you to be his rock." I listened, believing that showing any sign of weakness would somehow make things harder for him. For a long time, I bottled up my emotions, putting on a brave face even when my heart was breaking. I smiled when I wanted to cry. I reassured when I needed reassurance. I played the part of the strong caregiver, because that’s what everyone told me I needed to be. The Breaking Point Then, one day, I couldn’t do it anymore. The weight of holding everything in became unbearable, and despite my best efforts, the dam broke. Right there, in front of my husband, my carefully constructed strength crumbled....