Diary of a Caregiver: The Lonely World

The Loneliness of Caregiving-A Storm only hit our home

Being a caregiver is one of the loneliest experiences imaginable. Even when surrounded by an army of people eager to help, the isolation is suffocating. I feel like an alien in my own life, still processing the devastating reality that a terrible tumor has burst our world apart. It doesn’t feel real sometimes, and yet, it’s the only reality I know now.

As a defense mechanism, we retreat into a cocoon, shutting out the world. Maybe it’s because we feel that no one truly understands—especially at a young age, when facing such an immense tragedy. It feels like a storm came through town, and our house is the only one that was hit and destroyed, while everyone else moves through their days and nights untouched. Life continues for them as it always has, while we are left standing in the wreckage of what once was.

I know that people are affected. They are sad. They cannot believe that something so dire and tragic has hit our community, our town, their friend. But at the end of the day, they return to their normal lives. They go home to their families, share meals, laugh with friends, and float through life without the same weight crushing their chests. Their loved ones are still by their side. No matter the outcome of this diagnosis, their world will eventually return to normal. But ours won’t. Ever.

We are the ones left heartbroken, devastated, scared, and afraid. Cancer does not just invade the body—it drains everything. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically. Financially. And unless you have lived it, you cannot truly grasp the depths of what it takes from you. Slowly but surely, it takes all of it—plus more than you ever imagined you had to give.

Over time, the calls will stop. The texts will dwindle. Fewer people will come around. The meals, the gift cards, the fundraisers, the donations—eventually, they will fade. This will become old news. People will move on. But we will not. We cannot. The pain, the grief, the struggles, and the crippling fear of ‘what if’ will never leave us.

It is a lonely world, even when surrounded by kindness and generosity. And trying to make others understand is a battle too exhausting to fight. So, we retreat. Into ourselves. Into the solitude where this is real, and where we are the only ones who truly know what it feels like.